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Archive for the ‘Intimacy Phobia’ Category

Q&A: How do I break down a guarded heart?

Tweet Lately, I have realized that a guy I have liked for a long time wants to be closer to me. A lot of our friends said that he wants to ask me out, but I’m not showing any signals of a ‘yes’ answer. They have been telling me this in many different ways for […]

Q&A: How can show a person with an avoidant attachment style that I just want to be her friend?

Tweet A while ago, almost this time last year in fact, I met someone online. And I know online relationships are often treated with scorn, disdain, but please, hear me out. At first our interactions were light, fun, it felt to me like we might get on well. Over time we would chat, interact more […]

Q&A: What is a bipolar attachment style?

Tweet Hi, I think I saw you write something about bipolar attachment style but now I can’t find the post. What is a bipolar attachment style? Is it related to bipolar mood disorder? How do I know if I have it? Dear K., “Bipolar” means “characterized by opposite extremes.” What we call “a bipolar attachment […]

Q&A: Can a Person with an Avoidant Attachment Style Change?

Tweet I have been in a serious exclusive relationship for 1-1/2 years with a 41 year old man, single, never been married.  I’m 40, divorced with two kids.  He was very attentive, supportive, and once he met my kids, completely fell into the future step dad role.  I just found out he’s kept a woman […]

Q&A: My boyfriend broke up with me because of intimacy issues: What do I do now?

Tweet I was dumped two weeks ago by my partner of nine months, who I suspect has avoidant attachment styles. We broke up once before, so he could go “find himself” by doing charity work overseas. We got back together without much discussion (I was so happy to have him back that I decided to […]

The brain circuitry underlying avoidant attachment style

Tweet The driving force of the behavior of people with an avoidant attachment style is their lack of trust in others. Lack of trust shows up in two ways in the brain’s circuitry. The first feature of the lack of trust is an intense activation of areas in the little almond-shaped region in the temporal […]

Avoidant Attachment Style: Carrie’s Story

Tweet “I am afraid we cannot accept your paper in its current form”. The words on the screen laughed at her, stuck their tongues out at her, made little childish sounds at her. Carrie’s heart flipped over in her chest. She felt nauseous. Carrie marked the email with a star and returned to some emails […]

Q&A: Can I Change Someone with an Avoidant Attachment Style?

Tweet From comment section: Dear Dr. Brit and Catherine Two and a half months ago, a woman broke up with me who happens to have at least five of these. They are 5, 6, 17, 18, 19, and maybe 13 and 1 [see list below]. Potentially even more that I don’t know about. I still […]

“I like you but I am not in love with you”

Tweet In a recent pilot study we exposed 50 female college students between 20 and 25 and 58 female college students and faculty members in their 30s to the following vignette and follow-up questions: Scenario: A guy you have been dating on and off (perhaps mostly on or mostly off) tells you to your face […]

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