Q&A: My one-night stand wants to continue having sex with me

About a month ago I met a guy (8 years older) at a bar and we seemed to hit it off. I slept with him on the next day after lots of texts and calls.He was my first and he was incredibly gentle.

I actually never expected it to be anything more than a one night stand but he kept in touch and it made me confused.
I mean, wouldn’t a guy usually disappear after he got what he wanted? Right now I’m not too sure WHAT we are.

On the one hand he seems like he is serious about me, because he introduced me to his family, we went on double dates with some of his closest friends, he always calls/texts a few times a day, he drives me places (even if it’s early in the morning or not on his way) and pays for me when we go out, I feel comfortable telling him the truth about everything and I hate lying to him.I’ve slept in his place and eaten with his family… He is also very protective and doesn’t want other men looking at me.

On the other hand, he hates taking photos with me but has no problem doing it with everybody else. He is introducing me as “the girl he met” to everyone (coworkers, family etc.) Almost EVERY time we meet, we either have sex or I give him a HJ/BJ. He used to love to just cuddle with me, but now every time I just put my hand on him (like on his chest) he already thinks I’m up for a HJ and guides my hand over there, when all I actually wanted was to snuggle a little.
He also used to care a lot if I enjoy it or not and he’d go out of his way to make it fun for me as well, but now it seems like “as long as it doesn’t hurt her, she’ll live”. He hates when other men look at me but has no problem talking about all of his female friends and a 1000 ex-girlfriends.

He is my first in every possible way (my first kiss, first closest thing to a boyfriend, first person I’ve slept with etc.) and I feel attached but also confused about his real intentions.

There is a huge gap in experience and I’m afraid that maybe that is the cause… I don’t really know how to behave around a guy and what is “normal” (is sleeping with him EVERY time we meet normal?).

Please help. Are we a couple? Or just friends with benefits? Is introducing him as my boyfriend after one month wrong/weird?

“Morgan” (not her real name)

Dear “Morgan,”

No wonder you are confused. On the one hand, he treats you just like a serious girlfriend. He introduces you to his friends and family and texts you every day. On the other hand, he treats you like a friend with benefits, someone he can hook up with and who will satisfy his sexual desires. I don’t think he is your guy. He is not going to be your serious boyfriend.

If you get something out of the sex and like your casual encounters, by all means continue seeing him. But don’t believe for a minute that he doesn’t sleep with other girls or that he is serious about you. There are too many red flags. If he were serious about you, he would introduce you to others as his girlfriend or as the girl he is dating, not “the girl I met.” He would want to be in pictures with you and have pictures with you in them. He would be concerned about you being sexually satisfied. And he would want to cuddle and talk sometimes.

As you describe him, it doesn’t sound like you are getting anything out of this deal sexually or emotionally (side note: I hope you use protection, because this guy no doubt sleeps with a lot of other people). He is not serious about you and is most likely in it for the sex only — the easy sex where he doesn’t have to do anything.
If I were you, I’d get out of the relationship immediately. He sounds like Mr. No Good. If you continue seeing him, he is going to hurt you emotionally, because he is not going to commit to you and he is going to continue to date a number of other women he meets. You may be interested in reading this article:
I am not saying your guy hates women but he does have some traits in common with men who do and he does not sound like the kind of person you would want to continue seeing over time.

Good Luck!


Dr. Brit, co-author of The Breakup Cleanse

If you had one chance to ask Dr. Brit or Catherine any question about love or relationships, what would your single most important question be? You can submit your question here.

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