The misogynists. You may have heard of them. But what you may not know is that they can be anywhere around you. They are notoriously hard to spot. They do not come with a label attached to them, and they may even come across as woman lovers.
In most cases, misogynists do not know that they hate women. Misogyny is an unconscious hatred that men form early on in life as a result of a trauma involving a female figure they trusted. An abusive or negligent mother, sister, school teacher or girl friend can plant a seed deep down in their brain’s subcortical matter.
Once planted in the subcortical brain, the seed will germinate and begin to grow. The tiny root will work its way down into the fear processing and memory areas of the brain as its tiny stem works its way up into frontal areas of the brain, effecting emotion and rational decision making.
The first signs of misogyny are barely notable but with additional exposure to neglect or abuse or lack of treatment, this behavioral seeding will grow larger and more prominent.
But even when the misogyny reaches maturity and the tendency toward acting with hatred toward women can no longer be controlled, the misogynist and the women around him will often fail to notice the condition until it’s too late.
The following is a list of traits that are typical of the misogynist:
1. He will zero in on a woman and choose her as his target. All her natural defenses are down because he’s flirtatious, exciting, fun and charismatic at first.
2. As time goes on, he begins to reveal his Jekyl & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude to irresistible.
3. He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.
4. He will be late for appointments and dates with women but be quite punctual with men.
5. His behavior toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling and self-centered.
6. He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is in a position to look at the situation objectively.
7. He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in work settings and social settings, allowing men to do and say things he will criticize his female colleagues or friends for doing or saying.
8. He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable. He may demand sex or withhold sex in his sexual relationships, make jokes about women or put them down in public, “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts with giving them credit or borrow money from them without paying them back.
9. On a date with a woman he will treat her the opposite of what she prefers. If she is an old-style lady who prefers a Gentleman who holds the door for her, orders for both and pays for the meal, he will treat her like one of his male buddies, order for himself and let her pay for the whole ordeal if she offers to, and sometimes even if she doesn’t. If she is a more independent type who prefers to order her own meal and pay for herself, he will rudely order for both and pay the check while she goes to the bathroom.
10. Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but it’s a one man show. He will demand fellatio or irrumatio but do anything to avoid cunnilingus. His favorite positions are doggy-style so he can avoid looking the woman in her eyes, and his favorite type of sex is anal.
11. He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.
12. He may suddenly disappear from a romantic relationship without ending it. One day he is just gone but may come back three months later with some lame explanation and then lure the woman back in.
Only rarely will a misogynist possess every single one of these traits, which makes it hard to spot them. What adds to the difficulty of seeing the early warning signs is their ability to lure women in with their charm and charisma.
Regardless of how hard it is to spot them, it’s a fact that women haters unconsciously get off on treating women badly. Every time they can put down a women or hurt her feelings, they unconsciously feel good. The reason for this is that deep down in their hidden brain, their bad behavior in regard to women is rewarded with a pleasure chemical called “dopamine.” This makes them want to repeat the bad behavior again and again.
(c) Berit Brogaard, co-author of The Breakup Cleanse
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