Notice that the new pricing of the ebook listed in the right column won’t take effect until tomorrow.
Jealousy and Ownership
One of the most intense feelings that arise in the context of love is jealousy. Jealousy can make us suicidal and urge us to commit murder. Evolutionary psychologists speculate that we are jealous because it was evolutionarily beneficial to our ancestors. Men go nuts if they think that their partner has sex with another man, […]
The Narcissistic Lover
Did you fall in love with a narcissist? Yes? Bad news. Narcissists are incapable of having a healthy loving relationship. The pathological kind of narcissism comes in two forms: The first, which is found primarily in young adulthood, is characterized by a grandiose sense of self, promiscuity and disagreeable behavior. The second form, which is […]
Is Romantic Love an Emotion? A Reply to Helen Fisher
According to Biological Anthropologist Helen Fisher, it is not. It’s just like sex and attachment: A drive. Fisher’s argument for this claim is that romantic love is associated with activation of neurons in the mid brain that secrete dopamine. As the dopamine system is a more primitive system than the emotional brain and the cortical […]
Don’t Necessarily Trust a Man Who Can Cry
Crying improves our well-being. It releases stress hormones from the body and increases the level of the body’s natural pain-killers endorphines. According to William Frey, former Research Director of the St. Paul-Ramsey Dry Eye and Tear Research Center, emotional tears contain: Leucine-enkephalin, a mood-elevating endorphine, ACTH, a hormone that is a reliable indicator of stress […]
When you fall in love, your bodily chemicals go haywire. The exciting, scary, mysterious and unpredictable elements of love stem from hyperstimulation of the limbic brain’s fear center known as “the amygdala”. Hyperactivation of the amygdala gives rise to a physical stress response in your body. Hans Selye, a Canadian endocrinologist, was the first to […]
Adolescence spans from roughly age twelve to as late as twenty-five, with the late teens and early twenties sometimes called ‘emerging adulthood.’ During this important and exciting phase of life, individuals transition from being children to being adults. Specific aspects of physical, social, and personality maturation affect the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of adolescents. Here I briefly consider how the adolescent brain makes young people susceptible to love addiction. By ‘love,’ I mean the physiological and psychological experience associated with one’s judgment that she has “fallen in love.” I mean the thrilling, intoxicating stage of new love.
Dear Social Actor,
While your main question is how to kill your libido, you might benefit from addressing issues that make you want to do that: (1) feeling disconnected from people and (2) obsessing about women and compulsively acting on these obsessive thoughts.
One form of self-therapy to consider is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT can be helpful to those with mild cases of depression or anxiety. If you weren’t being facetious about being a “self-diagnosed schizoid” and believe you have a severe mental illness, you should set up an appointment with a clinical psychologist.
You say: “I’m a loner and used to being ignored by people who have no practical use for me…I’ve accepted that and have decided to become a recluse.”
You say only those who want to use you pay attention to you. How do you know that’s true? Unless your social interactions always involve someone trying to overtly, or subtly, manipulate you, you must have interactions in which people don’t try to manipulate you. In those cases, if you think people still have an angle, you might be having a cognitive distortion called ‘mind reading.’ Read more »
When it comes to navigating personal relationships, it’s to our advantage to be sensitive to mental health issues. Our mental health as well as the mental health of those we love is crucial to successful interaction. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, around one in four adults in the United States is diagnosable for one or more psychological disorders in a given year.
It’s not easy to determine what is a psychological disorder. The DSM-IV explains, “…the concept of mental disorder (like many other concepts in medicine and science) lacks a consistent operational definition that covers all situations.”
Psychologists define a psychological disorder broadly as psychological dysfunction in an individual that is associated with distress or impairment and a reaction that is not culturally expected. When considering if something is a symptom of a disorder, consider the three Ds: Is it psychologically dysfunctional? Is it distressing or handicapping to the individual or others? Is it associated with a response that is atypical or deviant?
It won’t be long before my book on romantic love comes out. I am handing in the final draft today. In the meantime you might want to check out the breakup cleanse app for iPhone. It’s rather simple in its approach, as we are still experimenting with it. Later updates will have fanciful graphic and more choices. I think one virtue of the app, as it appears right now, is that you receive several pop-ups each day, making the app seem like a bit of a companion.
It’s a new year, though some of us may have heartache leftover from 2013. If you find yourself pining over an ex, maybe it’s time for a breakup detoxification. Those familiar with Dr. Brit‘s work know she co-wrote The Breakup Cleanse: 28 Day Miracle Mind-Body Heart Break Recovery System, which advises people on how to cope with grief caused by a breakup. Now we‘re pleased to announce The Breakup Cleanse App for iPhone, which presents material from the book in a timed, interactive, digital format.
The Breakup Cleanse App acts as a life coach over a 10-day program. Each morning, afternoon and evening, Read more »
Previously we explained how ignorance of our own personalities can impede our personal growth and relationships. Blind spots to self-knowledge, or what I’m calling ‘self-blindness,’ is so common it seems basic to the human condition. How can we overcome it? First, we can indicate barriers to self-knowledge, and second, practicing mindfulness may help us gain self-knowledge.
Those familiar with Buddhism might be confused with the idea of getting ‘self-knowledge’ through ‘mindfulness.’ There are Eastern traditions that consider mindfulness part of the path to realizing there is no permanent, individual self to know. However, for the sake of this discussion, let’s assume we have personalities capable of knowing. Let’s assume you and I each have tendencies of mental states and behaviors that don’t change drastically day-to-day without a distinct cause.
According to self-perception theory, people come to know themselves by observing their states and behaviors during given situations over extended periods of time. For instance, remembering my prior reactions to being near steep drops, I can guess that if I’m standing near a gorge or on a precarious bridge, I’ll feel uneasy. I also know if I’ve had two beers, I’m likely to speak louder than if I were completely sober. Self-blindness occurs when there is insufficient information of the personality or when the information available is incorrectly understood. Psychologist Simine Vazire’s work (2010) offers two barriers to self-knowledge Read more »