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Your Attachment Style Can Change

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Find where you are on this chart by taking this quiz.

Someone wrote us recently asking about the permanence of one’s attachment style. Does a person strictly have one attachment style? Can a person’s attachment style change? Why do I feel needy with one person and apathetic with another?

These questions raise issues about the continuity of security in relationships: (1) whether a person’s attachment style is the same in every romantic relationship, and (2) whether a person’s attachment style stays the same through the course of a relationship. (Fraley, 2010) Though we may tend toward a style of attachment, styles fluctuate depending on personality changes, partners, and self-regulation. Read more »

Talk about love at Books & Books on Friday at 6:30 pm

UPDATE: THE EVENT IS AT 6:30, NOT 8 PM

If you are in Miami, feel free to come to this event at Books & Books on Aragon Avenue this coming Friday, the day before Valentine’s day, at 6:30 pm.

Amy B. and Dr. Brit observe a couple communicating.

Amy B. and Dr. Brit observe a couple communicating.

Romantic love presents some of life’s most challenging questions. Can we choose who to love? Is romantic love rational? Can we love more than one person at a time? And can we make ourselves fall out of love?

In On Romantic Love, Berit Brogaard attempts to get to the bottom of love’s many contradictions. This short book, informed by both historical and cutting edge philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience, combines a new theory of romantic love with entertaining anecdotes from real life and accessible explanations of the neuroscience underlying our wildest passions. Read more »

Two more media mentions of the Romantic Love book

Huffington Post here

and

The New Republic here

Q&A: Should I reach out one more time?

Woman waiting to receive a text messageDear Desperate Girl,

You met this guy and he invited you on a couple of dates. Before each date he was completely “on,” doing everything in his power to lur you in. Then he dropped the ball. You haven’t heard from him since.
We get it “Desperate Girl.” You think he might have lost your number and email address. Perhaps he is sick, or maybe he is sitting by the bedside of his dying aunt.

Read more »

New project: what is love?

University of British Columbia philosopher Carrie Jenkins is currently conducting a longitudinal project devoted to the question of what love is. If you want to contribute, you can add your observations and experiences of romantic love on Twitter using the Twitter hashtag #romanticloveis.

UBC philosopher Carrie Jenkins thinking about the metaphysics of love.

UBC philosopher Carrie Jenkins thinking about the metaphysics of love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is a representative quote from the news article: Having long been fascinated with the concept of romantic love, Jenkins says she decided to put her philosophical toolkit of argumentative strategies to work: “If you go back to Plato, it’s really central for his philosophy. Whereas nowadays, if you study philosophy as an undergrad, you’re unlikely to study the philosophy of love.” Read more »

Our new blog on love

We also have a new blog on love over at Psychology Today. It’s called Mysteries of Love. Here is the first post. Our intention is not only to investigate romantic love but also to have closer look at other forms of love, such as parental love, friendship love, attachment love and altruism.

Feature of the love book in Miami Herald

Here is a feature of my latest book On Romantic Love in Miami Herald.

On Romantic Love

On Romantic Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In On Romantic Love, Berit Brogaard attempts to get to the bottom of love’s many contradictions. This short book, informed by both historical and cutting edge philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience, combines a new theory of romantic love with entertaining anecdotes from real life and accessible explanations of the neuroscience underlying our wildest passions. Read more »

On Romantic Love is out!

My new book is out! Yay!

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Its overview: “Romantic love presents some of life’s most challenging questions. Can we choose who to love? Is romantic love rational? Can we love more than one person at a time?And can we make ourselves fall out of love?

Read more »

Q&A: Long-Distant Phone Fights

cellphonecall

Re: “Little Fight” Dear Long-distant-er,

From what you describe, you and your boyfriend are having problems understanding each other, as evidenced by your boyfriend hanging up on you when he thinks you don’t know what he’s saying. This brings up a second, more serious issue with your relationship: your boyfriend shows disdain for you, which is not healthy for you, him or your relationship.

You say, “We don’t fight really often, but lately he says mean stuff during his days off, like I’m stupid, and I’m not stupid so I told him to stop calling me that…When we speak over the phone, he argues with everything I say. I feel like he’s just always trying to prove me wrongBut you should see him around his friends. He can have a normal conversation and argue about something, but when he does that with me, he hangs up on me, leaving me feeling like shit.”

We applaud you for at least trying to set boundaries of what is acceptable Read more »

Q&A: Big Age Gap

old-man-with-young-blondeDear College Student,

The age difference between you and your sister’s boss is not as worrisome as the fact that the two of you want entirely different things. You are a 22-year old college student and want a relationship that goes beyond casual sex. He is a 46-year old successful entrepreneur who doesn’t really have time for you but who occasionally whisks you away on short trips. He wants the occasional sexual encounter but not a stable, defined relationship. Read more »

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