\n

Q&A: Getting Over An Abusive Ex

Dear Dr. Brit and Amy B.,

I just got dumped from a 9-year relationship with someone who emotionally abused me. You’re probably thinking, ‘Great! You just dodged a bullet.’ And that’s what all my friends say, but I don’t believe it. I want him back, and if he called me up right now and said, “I’m sorry,” I would forgive him. It scares me that I’m that hooked, that I might miss out on being with someone amazing, and that I might hurt myself because I am so unhappy I can’t eat, sleep or go to work. Please help me get over this controlling person that I still adore so I can finally start living my life.

Sincerely, 

On the Hook

 

Dear On the Hook,

The first step to overcoming an addiction is admitting you have one, which you’ve done, and that’s great. You know you’re on the hook and you don’t want to be on the hook anymore. If you asked us something about how to get your abusive ex back, that would indicate a setback, but instead you’ve taken the first step by wanting to get over your ex.

The person who dumped you did you a favor, though your emotions may tell you otherwise at this stage in recovery. This is completely understandable for many reasons. For one thing, being socially rejected–even by someone whose opinion of you doesn’t matter–hurts. Your brain registers it the same as if you had been physically hurt. In addition to this physiological response, you’re probably feeling withdrawal from oxytocin, norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine. These brain chemicals generate feelings of reward associated with being bonded to another person. When a bond is broken unexpectedly, you experience a stress response, in which your sympathetic nervous system puts you in ‘fight or flight’ mode. (Here are some tips from Read more »

Brain Trauma Can Cause Compulsive Sexual Desires

Yesterday, ABC posted this interesting story about how brain trauma spurred hypersexuality in two woman. Brain trauma more often causes a decrease in libido. However, sometimes it causes an increase in libido, as in the case of Alissa, a 23-year-old who suffered a car accident, and Heather, a 43-year-old who suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage. An increase in sexual appetite may seem like fun, but as with other sexual disorders, hypersexuality causes dysfunction in the lives of people who have it and can be very distressing.
Gray726_frontal_lobe
Alissa, who was a teenager at the time of her crash, had damage to her frontal lobe, the site in the cerebral cortex associated with executive functioning, including the capacity for self-control, foresight, attention, and reasoning. When the frontal lobe is damaged, so are a person’s executive functioning abilities, leading to psychological and emotional problems, such as perhaps hypersexuality. Perhaps because it is in the front of the head, it a common site of injury for people who have been in car accidents.

Your Attachment Style Can Change

fig2

Find where you are on this chart by taking this quiz.

Someone wrote us recently asking about the permanence of one’s attachment style. Does a person strictly have one attachment style? Can a person’s attachment style change? Why do I feel needy with one person and apathetic with another?

These questions raise issues about the continuity of security in relationships: (1) whether a person’s attachment style is the same in every romantic relationship, and (2) whether a person’s attachment style stays the same through the course of a relationship. (Fraley, 2010) Though we may tend toward a style of attachment, styles fluctuate depending on personality changes, partners, and self-regulation. Read more »

Talk about love at Books & Books on Friday at 6:30 pm

UPDATE: THE EVENT IS AT 6:30, NOT 8 PM

If you are in Miami, feel free to come to this event at Books & Books on Aragon Avenue this coming Friday, the day before Valentine’s day, at 6:30 pm.

Amy B. and Dr. Brit observe a couple communicating.

Amy B. and Dr. Brit observe a couple communicating.

Romantic love presents some of life’s most challenging questions. Can we choose who to love? Is romantic love rational? Can we love more than one person at a time? And can we make ourselves fall out of love?

In On Romantic Love, Berit Brogaard attempts to get to the bottom of love’s many contradictions. This short book, informed by both historical and cutting edge philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience, combines a new theory of romantic love with entertaining anecdotes from real life and accessible explanations of the neuroscience underlying our wildest passions. Read more »

Two more media mentions of the Romantic Love book

Huffington Post here

and

The New Republic here

Q&A: Should I reach out one more time?

Woman waiting to receive a text messageDear Desperate Girl,

You met this guy and he invited you on a couple of dates. Before each date he was completely “on,” doing everything in his power to lur you in. Then he dropped the ball. You haven’t heard from him since.
We get it “Desperate Girl.” You think he might have lost your number and email address. Perhaps he is sick, or maybe he is sitting by the bedside of his dying aunt.

Read more »

New project: what is love?

University of British Columbia philosopher Carrie Jenkins is currently conducting a longitudinal project devoted to the question of what love is. If you want to contribute, you can add your observations and experiences of romantic love on Twitter using the Twitter hashtag #romanticloveis.

UBC philosopher Carrie Jenkins thinking about the metaphysics of love.

UBC philosopher Carrie Jenkins thinking about the metaphysics of love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is a representative quote from the news article: Having long been fascinated with the concept of romantic love, Jenkins says she decided to put her philosophical toolkit of argumentative strategies to work: “If you go back to Plato, it’s really central for his philosophy. Whereas nowadays, if you study philosophy as an undergrad, you’re unlikely to study the philosophy of love.” Read more »

Our new blog on love

We also have a new blog on love over at Psychology Today. It’s called Mysteries of Love. Here is the first post. Our intention is not only to investigate romantic love but also to have closer look at other forms of love, such as parental love, friendship love, attachment love and altruism.

Feature of the love book in Miami Herald

Here is a feature of my latest book On Romantic Love in Miami Herald.

On Romantic Love

On Romantic Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In On Romantic Love, Berit Brogaard attempts to get to the bottom of love’s many contradictions. This short book, informed by both historical and cutting edge philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience, combines a new theory of romantic love with entertaining anecdotes from real life and accessible explanations of the neuroscience underlying our wildest passions. Read more »

On Romantic Love is out!

My new book is out! Yay!

IMG_0320

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Its overview: “Romantic love presents some of life’s most challenging questions. Can we choose who to love? Is romantic love rational? Can we love more than one person at a time?And can we make ourselves fall out of love?

Read more »

Powered by WordPress | Compare Cell Phone Plans at iCellPhonePlans.com | Thanks to Cheap Palm Pixi, Bromoney and Wordpress Themes